have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
