I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So here I am, sexting at work.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
