We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
