Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
