btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i think i have two assholes
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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