i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
