I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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