Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize