I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Is it penis luge time yet?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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