Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
