Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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