you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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