i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize