I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
