Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
