so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
