Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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