HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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