I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize