I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
