He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
