He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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