pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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