Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
this just has baby written all over it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
