chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
