yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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