I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
