Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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