party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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