someone threw a dead crab at me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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