It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
my liver is dry heaving
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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