So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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