Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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