i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
