I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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