Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
