How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
