Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
