I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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