THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
