Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My vagina is very pro this idea
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
