Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize