I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
