Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
