and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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