Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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