; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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