First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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