going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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