Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
