I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She announced her abortion via fbk
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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