He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
