it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
