fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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