drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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