its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
