I hate all girls vehemently.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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