i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
