Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You're like the curious george of whores
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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