do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
