Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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