My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Less talking, more tequila
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
