Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
