a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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